get thy motor running.

I’ve been a true northsider for over six months now, and for the most part I enjoy it. The southside feels like a whole different world. (Sure, I wish Target were closer. But Republic Road? Fuggetaboutit. Siberia.) Just yesterday I drove south on National during rush hour and now firmly believe there is a circle of hell reserved for peak-time southside driving. (Seriously, commuter friends, how do you manage it and keep your sanity?)

There’s a northside phenomenon that has intrigued me since the move, which happens to be just across Kearney from my house, next to the El Taco. (Yes. I live across the street from Mexican Villa’s To-Go joint. Don’t really go there much anymore, as I’m fairly certain that even their water has meat in it. PS i’ve been vegetarian for over six months now as well. Neat.)

But back to the point: Biker Church. Yes, friends, it’s a thing. With a website. I really want to go sometime, but I wonder whether I’ll be welcome.

After all, the closest thing I have to motorcycle experience in my life is as follows:

And I just can’t rock the Tequila dance like Pee Wee. (No one can, Sarah; no one can.)

I wonder what their services are like. Does everyone wear cross-emblazoned leather? Are the sermon metaphors all somehow Harley-related? Do they pass the offering in a helmet? (My biker church curiosity knows no bounds, friends.)

Should I go? Should I go? Should I go???

so this is a thing i am doing.

So I guess I’m a guest columnist in the student newspaper now…
(I say “I guess” because I just now submitted my first column, and the editor may very well come up with a politely vague excuse as to why there’s no space for it this week…)

She approached me about writing a humor column in The Mirror a couple of weeks ago, and I suggested an improv-style column might be fun, where students write in suggestions and I make up a column based on that. (Totally ripping off The Mystery Hour improvised monologue…)

I got a list of suggestions from The Mirror staff to get me started:

-Pumpkin Spice Latte
-Harvest Moon and Snoopy
-Eating pizza in a Gondala
-Randomly singing in downtown Springfield
-Jack-o-latern apples (versus pumpkins…)
-Flying south for the winter
-Mac v. PC
-Candid Camera (imagining in your mind…)
-Cases of Diet Dr. Pepper
-Getting lost (somewhere random)
-Mentally creating a marriage proposal
-Building a haunted house

ps–I feel comfortable telling you all of this because
a) those of you who read my blog don’t read the mirror.
b) those who read the mirror don’t read my blog.
c) even if you/they did, i don’t imagine too many complaints about column spoilers. Maybe I’m wrong.

So I chose “Randomly singing in downtown Springfield,” and here’s what came out. (Eek! I’m nervous about it. This isn’t something I would’ve ever agreed to do as a student. Too worried about what people would think. Now that doesn’t bother me, I just don’t want to be unfunny. Kind of an issue with a humor column, no?) Here we go: Continue reading