inside outside upside down

…is the name of one of the first books I ever learned to read. Thanks, Stan & Jan!

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It is also a good descriptor for my mood this time of year, this year in particular. You guys remember when it was all sunny and lovely and perfectly fall and then smack it was gloomy and gray? That was fun.

I love fall — for the colors and boots & tights and the pumpkins and pumpkin-flavored things and the crisp air and crunchy leaves and Halloween — for all of that. But the grayer, cloudier, gloomier weather does not love me back. I just feel off. A little sad. A little upside down. And I feel like it punched my mood in the face a little harder this year.

But Imma fight back. Look out fall, I’m going to make you love me. Shorter days and darker skies, let’s turn that frown upside down. A wise new friend (and fan of the blog. shout out!) recently reminded me to make my own happiness. That’s a fun assignment.

I can make the most of gloomy days. Yesterday was the first scarf-at-work day, and you better believe I scarfed that up.

Exhibit A: scarf day

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(Yes, that is my new office. And yes, I was having a better day than it seems. I feel silly grinning for Photo Booth pics all by myself…)

And I can make the most of gloomy evenings. I went running tonight — the first long-sleeves run of the season — and it felt really good, cloudy sky and all. When I got back home, I plopped down in my front yard and looked at the sky for a while. Felt the breeze and some tiny sprinkles in the air. Breathed a little. And I realized that (even though saying this makes me sound like a full-on hippie) Emerson really did know what’s up: When our spirits need to find their source, the best thing we can do is go outside. Get all up in the out-of-doors. Even for 5 minutes. I swear my pulse slowed and my face relaxed (you know, the tense-and-scowly-when-worried parts) and I felt better. It’s like my brain hit the reset button, and all the gunk and work and drama and thinking and clicking and being just took a time out.

I wish I could say I’m the kind of English major who has all sorts of Emerson quotes in her back pocket for moments like these, but alas I do not. I do have google, and it led me to this, which is perfect:

Nature always wears the colors of the spirit.

Hear that, nature? You just go ahead being all gray if you want to, but my scarf and my spirit will stay crayon-box colorful. And I’ll make my own happiness, inside and outside. (but probably not upside down. I was never all that good at head stands.)

And now for something completely different.

“You are the product. You feeling something. That’s what sells.”

– Don Draper, to Peggy, Mad Men Season 2

P & D

So it begins…

“It” being my new job.
“It” being my A.D. (after-Drury) period.
“It” being my even-deeper obsession with Mad Men.
“It” being The Rest of My Life.
(Nope! Too scary. Way too much pressure. It’s just one day. Chill out. Cool.)

Still, “It” is a pretty big deal.

It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so much like the New Kid in an already-established world. I spent a lot time breaking into new groups during my first 22-or-so years of life. School… theatre things… nerd camp… ReaLife @ James River (there’s a blast from the past)… college… my first improv class… But most of my “big girl” work experiences after college have been in somewhat familiar worlds. And Drury’s been a familiar world to me for 10+ years.

This time, it’s all new.

And it’s all good.

Best Thing About Super Bowl Sunday

[ Reminder: our new Blog Challenge, now that it's red carpet season, is to blog about "best-of" experiences. ]

I’m not a football fan. This should not surprise you avid readers—or any person who’s ever encountered me for 5 minutes or longer. (Though you may recall that I discovered the magic of live games back in December: read all about it.) Otherwise, it’s not for me, and that’s fine. Go crazy, America! But this, oh this, fantastical little number from our friends at NBC…it makes me do a touchdown dance of my own:

Best Thing About Super Bowl Sunday, posted with vodpod

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Genuinely, I’m smiling from ear to ear. In some strange way, watching this video has helped remind me what I really want most out of life (yes, for one, impromptu Broadway-smash dance numbers…plus an ongoing reality-based friendship with Tina Fey) but also THIS. All of that. Comedy. Acting. Writing. Surrounding myself with creative folks who help me be better at all of that.

I’m lucky that I get a lot of that from my job. My “day job”—as we creative-types tend to call our not-quite-dream employment—is actually quite a wonderful way to spend my days. I get to write for a living, and I work with amazing people who are fun and talented and couldn’t be nicer to me or more understanding toward my many creative-person foibles. So when I talk about the future, I’m not begrudging the Now. I’m just saying that I’ve always felt that maybe something else could be my ultimate sweet spot…

I know I’m also lucky to be a part of The Skinny Improv, to get to work with all the fun and talented people I’ve met there in the last 5+ years. That place saves my life again & again, through giving me friends and a safe outlet for my pun-based urges.

But. Still. There’s a small part of me that wishes—sometimes with enough strength to move all the other parts of me—for something more. The same part of me that used to take notes when watching SNL. And kept a journal after every improv show. And spent hours in front of the bathroom mirror making up elaborate scenes for herself as Jonathan Taylor Thomas’ onscreen girlfriend. (Yeah, I know everybody thinks he’s gay now. We’re cool.)

I’m excited, frankly, to keep writing at work and making funny things with my friends, and getting more serious about the other dreams at the same time. Letting that small, wish-filled part come out to play more often.

She’s fun and talented, too.